I wrote this whole thing in Microsoft Word. In addition, it
is correcting a lot of my grammar. Therefore, I am going to listen to its
suggestions. We will see how it turns out.
Therefore,
yes, I am in college now. In addition, it has been lovely. I'm involved in lots
of extracurriculars (none), am seeing all of the city (campus), going to all of
the parties (zero), and being a scholar (this is actually true. Do not worry
mom and dad.). I have made some friends. There was a lot of having the same
conversation repeatedly, usually consisting of "Who are you, where are you
from and what school are you in?" To which my response was usually,
"Zach, Indiana, Tisch." To which the response was usually, "Oh
cool… What made you want to go to college in the states instead of overseas?"
To which my response was usually, "Well, I should probably go to
class" To which the response was usually, "It's Welcome Week."
To which my response was usually, "I'm sorry my English is a little how do
you say 'rusty.'" Nevertheless, yeah I've made friends. I forced two of
them to watch Bridesmaids with me
within the first week of being here. Did not see that one coming did ya…
Another friend met me because we both walked out of the dorm at the same time
with the intent to just walk around. So we walked around for a couple hours.
She then promptly abandoned me at a turnstile 2 weeks later. And consistently
calls me Collin. To my face. But yeah I've made friends! School is fun and lots
of work but it makes me think. Even though it only costs like a nickel a year
to go here. SO THAT'S GOOD.
In all seriousness,
I have eaten yogurt literally every day since I have been here. Partially
because the rest of the food in the dining hall in my building is
less-than-ideal, partially because I want to eat healthier and the best way to
do that is eat bacteria-saturated milk and sugar, but mostly because I love
yogurt. I eat a lot of salad too. This makes me sound like an extremely
exciting person. So much has happened over the course of the month that the
only thing I have to report is that I eat a lot of salad and yogurt. I went to
a gourmet mac and cheese restaurant the other day and it was great (the content
of this portion is written at such a high comprehension level, using phrases
like "…and it was great….college education.) There is a lovely pizza place
here called Artichoke Pizza and they make a mean Artichoke pizza. I did not
know what an artichoke tasted like, let alone that it could be used as a pizza
topping. I still don't know that I could tell you what an artichoke tastes
like, but this pizza is freaking amazing and I haven't had to pay for it yet
because Atlantic Theatre orientation procedures set me up with great people. Who
bought me Artichoke pizza.
Guys I saw
a Sprouse twin. I guess the better way to begin is to explain what a Sprouse
twin is. Zack and Cody (Dylan and Cole Sprouse) of Suite Life fame go to NYU. I
go to NYU. Therefore, I am best friends with Dylan and Cole Sprouse. By best
friends, I mean I saw one of them for about 5 seconds the other night in one of
the dining halls after waiting for about an hour for some "macaroni"
(actually rotini pasta… the nerve of some people) and cheese. Upon exiting the
line, I was like "Who is this fool that's paying for his meal with cash
and not using a meal swipe?!" so I went to the other cashier and she
swiped my ID and I was good to go. Then I looked at the path ahead of me and
what do I see? Cole/Dylan Sprouse. I have to say Cole/Dylan because I honestly
have no clue which one is which so instead of being wrong, I just leave that up
to interpretation. At first, he was turned to the side and I couldn't really
see his face all that well. But then I was like "WAIT A SECOND HE COULD BE
A SPROUSE" so I was staked out a solid 5 feet from him waiting for him to
turn his head to face me. Then he turned his head to face me and I was like
"OH MY GOD IT'S COLE/DYLAN." Then he walked away. My friends were
seated at a table on the horizon. Like any sane person, I walked with eyes the
size of oranges over to the table my friends were sitting at and they said
nothing of my ghastly face - which concerns me because now I'm worried that
they think that's my normal face and I swear it's not - and I said,
"Guys….I just saw a Sprouse." We were able to determine him in the
crowd of people, but we were not close enough to effectively intern for the
paparazzi. I got a great picture with him though and you can view that here.
Isn't it great that I am able to maintain my composure and grace even in the
midst of a celebrity? It's so in-character for me. All I want to do is meet
Emma Stone. I am in the process of writing her a letter. Yes a letter (Grandma,
if you're reading this, I'm writing you a return letter too. It's very similar
to my letter to Emma Stone. Also I need to figure out where to buy stamps [post
office]). I did see the lady who plays Alec Baldwin's mom on 30 Rock walking on the street the other
night! I know! I was so surprised that THE [whatever her name is] was WALKING. On
a STREET.
In other
news, I finally joined Spotify, which was a great decision. Except that my
reputation is molded when I listen to music now. Because now I can't listen to
Destiny's Child and Spice Girls and Wham without my entire vast network of
friends from around the world knowing about it. Which is stupid. Also, I hate
their commercials that play when you listen to it because it sounds like the
beginning of a good song and I'm sitting there like an idiot going, "THIS
IS GOOD WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?" and then it shouts at me, "DO YOUR
FRIENDS HAVE BIRTHDAYS? YOU CAN ALWAYS GIVE SPOTIFY AS A GIFT!" Yes. Give
them an account to a free music site that literally anyone in the world has
access to. But it's great.
Guys (the
grammar check keeps wanting me to change "Guys" to
"People") I just figured out how to turn off the Spotify feature that
posts songs I listen to to Facebook. Thank God I'm a genius.
The basic
jist of things is that New York is awesome and I have been lucky enough to meet
many wonderful people, most of whom I interact with on a regular basis. I have brilliant
teachers. And I party all the time. If there is anything you should take from
this literature, it's that I party all the time. Everyday. All day. Ell. Oh. Ell.
P.S. For those of you who do not follow me on Twitter, I will render a second edition of my acclaimed adaptation of Goodnight Moon here.
