Scary Story #1: 2 nights ago, I was laying in bed attempting to fall asleep. My iPod was on shuffle. I was close to falling asleep when all of a sudden California Gurls by Katy Perry featuring The Snoop Dogg (yes. there is a 'the,' at least in my mind) started playing. I was jolted from my almost slumber, seeing as moments before the car accident I was in, this very song was playing on the radio. I grabbed my phone amidst my very vivid flashbacks, attempting to text my fellow car accident survivor, then realized I had lost her phone number. My intended text to her said "I hope this wakes you from a deep slumber. California Gurls just came on my iPod and I changed the song very quickly. The phrase "Greetings, loved ones," now has a very different significance behind it." Instead, I called Domino's Pizza and ordered a pizza. The delivery man said "I really hope you like this pizza. I ran a red light on my way here!" I then tipped the driver and carried on with my life.
Scary Story #2: A few years ago, I was walking to my bus stop on a breezy fall morning. A dry leaf was being blown across the ground and was making a terrifying noise reminiscent of a crab walking on a sidewalk. I thought it was a crab walking on the sidewalk. It was a leaf. I was released from the emergency room 7 hours later after proper treatment for a heart attack.
Scary Story #3: I HATE BIRDS. Let me chronicle my history of avian hatred for you. I was standing outside waiting for the bus, which is already awkward enough because I stand in the driveway of someone I have never met. However, this one morning as I stood there, I noticed an incessant schirping coming from behind me. 2 birds had begun to fight MID-AIR in an area out of my supervision. After drastically adjusting my standing position by rotating to the left 90 degrees, I watched intently as the fight escalated. And grew closer and closer to my location at the time. I began yelling at the bus down the street to hurry up and it obeyed and I narrowly escaped death that day.
The very next day I proceeded to the same bus stop with the slightest hint of fear. I had told my dad about the birds and he said, "Just clap at them. They're skittish. That will scare them off." As I approached my waiting spot, I thought about what he said, then noticed there was a surprising lack of birds. I now believe birds are mind-readers because less than 5 seconds after I had this thought, THE SAME 2 MISCHIEVOUS BIRDS APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE, STILL IN A FULL-ON BRAWL. I'm no bird, but usually my brawls last well under 24 hours. Whether this is because of my obvious violent nature and intimidating appearance or because of my vow to stop beating people to a pulp, I may never know. Anyway these winged beasts reappeared, much to my chagrin, and were scoping out the ideal fighting grounds. What better place, than 2 inches from my face. As they swooped viciously toward my head, I cringed harder than anyone has cringed in the history of the world. As I watched my life flash before my eyes, I heard my dad's words of encouragement float around in my head: "Clap at them. They don't like that." So I began clapping wildly. Unbeknownst to me, birds receive clapping more as applause and began fighting even more wildly than before. From my peripherals, I could see a jogger on the other side of the street, jogging aimlessly by while I was on the brink of death. I now know who I will not be saving from a bird attack if I witness one. That jogging man. If you are reading this, WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU: YOUR MORNING EXERCISE ROUTINE OR THE LIFE OF AN INNOCENT AMERICAN CITIZEN?!?! So I survived that somehow. And after recounting this story to my father and telling him I tried clapping, he suggested, "Maybe you should get an umbrella." Newsflash: It is not raining birds, they are simply attacking me. But thank you for your concern!
Several weeks later, I attended my brother's band concert in an indoor high school auditorium. Upon my arrival, the head of our performing arts department was running around the auditorium with a butterfly net. At the time, I found this quite humorous and continued on my quest to find a perfect seat. I sat in the middle of the house left side of the auditorium. As the band performed, I watched and listened attentively until this GIANT black bird came swooping down over the heads of the audience and then perched on the light fixture at the side of the stage. I kid you not, this bird GLARED DIRECTLY INTO MY EYES for at least 3 minutes before swooping over the performing band and into the space above the stage.
I used to think indoors was a safe place. I have since been proven wrong.
I fear a lot of things, however my birds story was long enough that I can split my fears into multiple blogs. My list of fears goes something like this:
- Bees
- Birds
- Blood Drives
- Ants
- The Ku Klux Klan
- Heights
- Drowning
*Insert Witty Farewell*
I very much appreciate my shout out. :)
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